Minneapolis Voter Guide for the Reality-based Community

Tom Emmer and Annette Meeks – Republican

Endorsed Vote: No

• Wants to repeal the 20th Century
• Emmer's House of Reps voting record was everything a Tea Party Republican would want
• If you feel that Pawlenty needs a third term, just to check and see if he was kidding the first two times around, but with added WAAAAHHHH!!!!
• Sam Kinison would approve of Ol’ Tom's willingness to not let a couple of cocktails stop him from getting behind the wheel
• If you view the records of Mark Sanford of South Carolina and Haley Barbour of Mississippi as role models for governing, and feel “a bit jealous” of their respective states’ monopolization of the bottom two spots in most education and quality-of-life ratings
• No truth to rumor that his corny billboards are meant to embarrass his kids
• Emmer?…I hardly know her!

Tom Horner and Jim Mulder – Independence

Endorsed Vote: No

• StarTribune endorsed! In no way is this related to their desire to maintain ad accounts with Himle Horner clients
• DFL and GOP legislators are absolutely going to help his re-election by cooperating with his administration, meaning he’ll get sooo much done, am I right?
• The “endorsements” section of his myVote profile reads like a fringe candidate (Tommy and Laura Merickel? Wheelock Whitney? I’m obsessed with this stuff, yet I know Sam Hill about either of these people, except that Whitney donated money to both McCain AND Obama in 2008 – now there's your Rich Whitey)
• Horner?...I hardly know her!
• Twenty years ago, Tommy H would be a credible mainstream Republican candidate…of course, 20 years ago, Kid N’ Play were superstars (yes, I saw House Party in the theater three times)
• You gotta love his "brave" stand against disclosure of his past (or present) clients
• One of those clients? The agribusiness pollution-apologists that fought a University film about Big Ag’s environmental cluelessness
• Mulder?...I hardly know her!

Linda Eno and Howard Hanson – The Resource Party

Endorsed Vote: No

• Produced several critically-acclaimed albums by David Bowie, Roxy Music and U2 – oh wait, that was Brian Eno
• The "The" is part of their name. Call them simply "Resource Party" at your peril.
• StarTrib myVote highlights, all spelling and grammar unchanged:
“Tri Sigma president, Greek woman of the year, Founding board member Mille Lacs tourism, PTO president 10 years, Voted layperson of the year, Successful referendum steering committee, Member of MERF, PERM and CERA/CERF.”
• MERF, PERM and CERA/CERF? How’s about…you know, telling us what these are?
• “Layperson of the year.” Senator David Vitter of Louisiana would have something to say about that
• Appears to have serious issues with American Indian tribal sovereignty, as evidenced by this line in her platform: “…we The Resource Party candidates can confidently say that the American Indian Movement, formed here in Minnesota in the 1960’s, will go down in history as the biggest political Ponzi scheme of all time.”
• Wow. Just wow.

Farheen Hakeem and Dan Dittman – Green; Ken Pentel and Erin Wallace – Ecology Democracy Party; Chris Wright and Edwin H. Engelmann – The Grassroots Party

Endorsed Vote: No

• The Onion AV Club has their annual Least Essential Albums of the Year column, where they chronicle the music releases that have the flimsiest reason to exist (like that album of Led Zeppelin covers by Jason Bonham’s new band). Meet the 2010 Least Essential Candidates!
• Congrats, Hakeem: you can finally use the “perennial candidate” aisle at Lund’s. Say hi to Harold Stassen as he bags your groceries.
• Her activist past is quite extensive, but why governor? With a candidate of the liberal credentials of Dayton, a left-wing 3rd-party run is little more a vanity effort
• These Green candidates have a surprisingly-small web presence, considering they were the original internet-grassroots party
• Hakeem’s StarTrib myVote quote: “There are plenty of [public] employees that are making more than $100,000 per year in salary, and some of those salaries need to be reduced.” She could have been Emmer’s LG pick!
• EDP has the same platform as Green Party – although they won the endorsement of Ralph Nader
• (insert stereotypical hippie place where verbal battle ensued)
• All are supporters of single-payer healthcare, ending corporate personhood, and stopping the drug war. If only there was a more electable candidate who advocated for these same ideas, but on a major party ticket?
• Funny how a Wellstone-style candidate just isn’t enough for about 2% of the left

How is this race even close? Emmer sees Dixiecrat-style idiocy as his governing inspiration. Horner is an apologist for corporate control of government, but looks more moderate next to Big Poppa (Hell, Pat Buchanan looks relatively moderate in comparison to Emmer). If Dayton really wants to snag Horner-flirting Democrats, he needs to hammer home the idea of DFL redistricting control. Ellison, McCollum and Oberstar each regularly win by 180,000+ combined votes – a simple precinct-swap with neighboring districts could easily wipe away the seats controlled by Bachmann (won by 12,000 votes) and Paulsen (margin of 28,000). I know this ain’t “Minnesota nice”, but all that ended when Bachmann called us “anti-American”. Enjoy your 7-figure deal at Fox News, MB.

Chris Barden – Republican

Endorsed Vote: No

• StarTrib myVote: “Lawyer, Health Care Professional, Consultaing Expert.”
• Based on his platform, it appears his “consultaing” was for insurance companies
• Despite the discredited "bust" of ACORN, he still drops their name all over his website. What? Thanks a lot, media, for spending as much effort correcting the mistake as you spend covering the fake "pimps and hos" video. Oh wait, you didn’t.
• 'Cause a Tea Party AG would never waste a tax-subsidized position by prosecuting corporate crime when there's massive election fraud taking place in "those" neighborhoods…
• You know which neighborhoods!
• Claims “Obamacare” will “burden our state with massive debts, rationing, and waiting lines.” I bet he said the same thing when “Obamacare” was proposed by Orrin Hatch and the Heritage Foundation in 1992.
• Shouldn’t he be with one of those crazy parties with “The” in their name?

Bill Dahn – Independence
• Another perennial candidate, but with a sinister edge
• Recommends an anti-environmental book called Green Hell, which unfortunately has nothing to do with the Misfits or Glenn Danzig
• The myVote profile says he wants to "Prosecute fraud, misconduct and other criminal conduct by public official and corporations." But his website is largely Tea Party know-nothingism
• BFF with Sharon Anderson, the judicial candidate / future Jerry Springer guest
• Trumpets a far-right group called "Minnesota Majority", whose members may need some help with their math skills

David J. Hoch – The Resource Party
• Talk about party discipline! Just like Guv hopefuls Eno/Hanson, Hoch's platform is largely a rant about American Indian casino rights.
• My favorite quote from his website: "Candidate Hoch was a longtime Republican, but left the Party because it lacks a spine."
• While Chris Barden's myVote profile begins with the line "40 years is enough!", Hoch sticks with the more traditional, closing his entry with "Enough is enough!"
• Wonder if either dude owns any records by Enuff Z'Nuff

Thankfully, Swanson is facing no real competition. Whoever runs the Republican Party might want to hire a proofreader.

Swanson it is.

Dan "Doc" Severson, Republican

Endorsed Vote: No

• Despite nickname, NOT the former bandleader of The Tonight Show
• StarTribune's myVote features this head-scratching sentence: "In 2008, Minnesota was one of only 13 states to decrease voter turnout decrease." What!? We decreased our decrease? Compared to when?
• His website: "We are taking testimonies of people who had seen firsthand irregularities at the poles." Too many places to go with this one – we'll just move along

Jual Carlson, Independent
• Stealth candidate, did not return any public surveys
• Quote from platform: "In college I went out for freshman football and played some intramural basketball, but very little since then. Last year I played some softball (and I thought my batting was good too) but this year I regret that I did not have any time to do any playing."
• Credit for this statement: "Like most of you, I'm not a 'richie' and a 'doc' I'm not."

Most of the Tea Party "Patriots" are convinced that Franken actually lost, and Ritchie stole the seat from Norm. Those fools will be voting, so I wholeheartedly endorse Ritchie.

Greg Wersal

Endorsed Vote: No

• myVote profile features this line: "Look for the word “incumbent” on the ballot. Then vote against the “incumbent,” while you still can."
• Has a website, but I'm kinda scared to check it out
• Endorsed by Republican and Libertarian Party of Minnesota…or so he says
• Heard about the mascot for Ohio University who tackled Brutus the Buckeye of THE Ohio State University? Turns out the guy sought the job just for that purpose (he wasn't even a student!) That's how Wersal feels about appointed judges
• Really? This guy?

Ironic that a dude whose entire platform is "all judges should be elected" would be such a stunning example of why such a policy should not be enacted. Meyer's the one.

Tim Tingelstad

Endorsed Vote: No

• Heeeee's baaaa-aaaaack!
• In these cheeky candidate summaries, sometimes I fear that I will slam someone who has the best of intentions. This is not one of those cases
• If Michele Bachmann is "too secular" for your tastes, here's your man
• myVote: "I am committed to preserving the people's constituional right to choose their judges through meaningful, contested, non-partisan judicial elections."
• Fellow traveler Wersal's stealing his "judges should be elected, darn it!" mojo – this can only be settled via a battle of "constituional" proportions

Endorsement: Do you even need to ask?

Roxann Klugman

Endorsed Vote: No

• Loved the way she was willing to leap from coroner to detective when Lt. Monohan sensed foul play (oh, I’m sorry that was Jack Klugman)
• Stealth candidate
• No real web presence
• No endorsements, not even the American Honky-Tonk Bar Association
• Might not actually exist

While it seems I like to be glib and throw around my silly jokes, these election guides would be far more fulfilling to write (and read) if there were legitimate races, where all candidates were debating the issues in a serious manner. Is this what our democracy has become?

Dan Griffith

Endorsed Vote: No

• Heeeee's Baaa-aaaack!
• Endorsed by the Republican Party and those characters in the Constitution Party (who were Teabaggers before Teabagging was cool)
• Tingelstad-esque stance against separation of church and state. He agrees with court decisions that allow landlords to deny housing to unmarried and/or gay couples, and disagreed with decisions allowing oral sex betwixt consenting adults
• The joke here is far too obvious, moving along…
• Embarrassed that I was easy on him in 2008 – turns out, he's kind of a jerk
• One day, if we are not careful, one of these creeps will sneak into office

Ladies in gentlemen, democracy! C'mon Minnesota, I moved here to get away from candidate like Griffith.

Greg Kryzer

Endorsed Vote: No

• Answered the myVote questionnaire, but not the MASWCD survey
• Still, credit for sort-of answering #4: "I would first focus on change through voluntary implementation and secondly through governmental regulation."
• "I will work to ensure that Hennepin County and its cities have up-to-date stormwater runoff ordinances and will work to educate the public about the hazards that stormwater runoff has on our local resources."

Lora Jones
• Stealth candidate
• No response to myVote or MASWCD survey
• No website
• May not actually exist

Scott Tracy
• Replied to the MASWCD survey, not the myVote questionnaire
• Answered #4 by referencing voluntary efforts and education, but not government regulation, leading to being…
• Endorsed by FratersLibertas.com

With a dedicated past of environmental activism, coupled with an understanding of transit and social-justice issues, Amber Collett is the right choice here.

David Rickert

Endorsed Vote: No

• The only candidate in Seat 4 to respond to the MASWCD survey (also completed "myVote questionnaire)
• #4: "I believe that all of the aforementioned approaches are necessary, but an education of the citizenry may be the most effective."
• "My environmental priorities include water quality improvement, the use of native vegetation, and invasive species education and removal."

Alex Farrell
• No MASWCD, and a brief myVote profile, which pulls the “‘Chainsaw’ and Dave’s 100-word Report” trick of restating the assignment to take up space. Here it is:
• "As a member of the Hennepin County Soil and Water District Board I will work hard to promote the Board as a body which can provide specialized guidance to the county and state on soil and water issues."
• What gives, Al? You don't have time to provide a substantive description of your reason for seeking the office, but you'll expend the effort of sending this photo for your myVote page?

Steven Wells
• No MASWCD survey, did fill out myVote form, although after I read it, I wished he wouldn't have
• This former "College Councilor" answers the Most Important Issue section by saying: "The Soil and Water Conservation Board, one of the few agencies with elected members that oversee City, township, and county plans for conservation of natural resources including storm water runoff, as directed by state statutes."
• I'm glad you can quote the job description from your entry form, but what about…well...what you believe is the most important issue?
• Uggh. Again?

Who would've thought that Richard Strong could unite the fans of Emmernomics at the Northern Alliance Radio Network and yours truly? I'm voting for Strong, too.

Chanda Smith Baker

Endorsed Vote: No

• Did not reply to myVote, but provided detailed responses to surveys by Southwest Journal and a website that details the Achievement Gap.
• "MPS continues to lose large numbers of gifted/talented students. MPS must enable and expect all of our schools and educators to engage and challenge all students to reach their full academic potential, regardless of their initial starting place."
• On longer school days/years: "Let’s give our schools and teachers the flexibility to provide that option, especially for the most under-resourced families and communities."
• Endorsed by SEIU, Stonewall DFL, Representative Jeff Hayden, outgoing MPS boardmember Carla Bates, "Stone Cold" Terry Austin

Rebecca Gagnon
• Responded to myVote survey, and Achievement Gap website
• Very assertive answers – she’d tell Lumbergh where he could stick his TPS Reports
• "The Board must require that all teachers and staff perform to high standards, gauging performance of teachers by the achievement of their students. Not by standardized test scores that rank students against their fellow students, locally and nationally, but by a variety of means that measure an individual child’s academic growth in a school year."
• "…in our financial and academic climate, MPS must have the flexibility to put teachers where they fit and move teachers when the opposite is true."
• "A three month break in the summer creates a hardship on a lot of dual working or single parent households. Students do not retain what they have learned in school after such a long break."
• Endorsed by WomenWinning
• Website needs an upgrade

I like all four of these candidates. In a refreshing change from the other multi-candidate examples of WTF head-slappery, there appears to be legitimate discussion and ideas bounced around amongst this crew. T. Williams definitely needs to stay, and I think Mammen should join him. Gagnon's passion and Smith Baker's voice on issues like seniority is valuable, and I hope they both run again in the future.

Mike Endrizzi

Endorsed Vote: No

• Did not respond to myVote survey, but answered Achievement Gap questions
• Endorsed by Mike Erlandson
• "We desperately need a management plan that welcomes technology but reigns it in to a less-than-indefinite disruption to learning."
• You want the sideburns? You can't handle the sideburns!

Endrizzi seems like he cares, and has good ideas, but Arneson is the best choice here

John H. Saulsberry

Endorsed Vote: No

• Stealth candidate
• No web presence
• Might not actually exist

Congrats, Alberto.

Mary O'Connor

Endorsed Vote: No

• myVote: "The commisioners salaries should be reduced"
• "…treasurer of Lbertarian Party of Minnesota" – I don’t think she chose that spelling on accident. Not to twist the old "team" metaphor, but Libertarianism is nothing but the letter "I"
• No web presence, may not actually want the office

Gee, this a tough one.

Blair Tremere

Endorsed Vote: No

• Lot of Tea Party-style anti-tax rhetoric in his myVote profile
• Awesome last name, which combines Treme, the latest project from David Simon (of The Wire) with the Queen of Freestyle, Trinere.
• Which begs the question: Is "All You Ever Need" the best freestyle track outside of the Jellybean Benitez universe?
• Sorry, this guy just is not that interesting

I'm making a b-line for Stenglein! (but I can't, 'cause I don't live in his district)

Barry Lazarus

Endorsed Vote: No

• His money quote from myVote: "Representation is needed for the makers and not the takers."
• What is with Teabaggers? If you want your own Ayn Randian utopia, why not move to some Palin-loving future-secession-site instead of trying to ruin a place that still believes in providing for one another? Oh right – in those places, the ratings for education, cultural amenities and quality-of-life are in the toilet

Dorfman it is.

Blake Lewis

Endorsed Vote: No

• Stealth candidate
• Oddly, someone of the same name is running for County Commissioner in Oklahoma
• No website outside of a stub Facebook page (he lists himself as a "green-friendly Democrat")
• That's all well and good, but why drop $50 on a filing fee when you won't even create a website? Fifty quid? That's a nice meal at Piccolo or The Corner Table

Wes Whitby – Republican

Endorsed Vote: No

• Hey, it's a district Obama won by 60 points – so WW has to be a moderate Repub, right? Well, he "has mixed feelings" about the immigration question
• Other than that, his Facebook page appears to be template used by fringe Republicans ("Hi, my name is [Insert name here] and I think big government is [drop-down box featuring several synonyms for 'destroying'] free enterprise")
• myVote: "Jobs are most important, We need more small business in MN creating Jobs spuring economy growth!"
• "Married,4 childeren"
• What's the deal? We finally find a Republican willing to toss aside Teabagger inhumanity on one issue (hey, you take the small victories where you can)…but he can't shake their lack of literacy

Jimmy, take us home.

Michael J. Sullivan – Republican

Endorsed Vote: No

• Maybe the best myVote quote of all time: “history is littered with countries that tried and thought they had the ability to continue pounding it's population with one more tax or regulation. Not one is here today.”
• If by “pounding it’s population with one more tax” (nice incorrect use of the possessive form of its, by the way), you are referring to countries that provide a social safety net and regulate corporate abuse, then you are right – Not one is still around today.
• Except Japan, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Germany, South Korea, France, England, Ireland, Brazil, Spain, Portugal, Holland, Belgium, Poland, Turkey, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Italy, Switzerland…
• Funny how most countries with recent revolutions also lacked means for addressing the abuse of the powerful business interests
• Whatever

Michael James Cavlan, Independent Progressive

Endorsed Vote: No

• No word if this is the same party that called itself "Independent Progressive Censored" on the 2009 ballot – you may remember that they wanted to use the term "Republican" in their title, but was told they could not, so they went with "Censored" instead
• Claims to be an activist for ending the US wars, universal single payer health care, corporate media reform, human rights and equality
• If only a Democratic Incumbent, with a legitimate platform for achieving these goals, doesn't already support those things.
• Perhaps this vanity run is actually a ruse, because he's a Yes on 1, and a "Somewhat No" on 2. Not very Progressive to me.

Joel Demos – Republican
• Endorsed by Taxpayers League of Minnesota, the people who want to bring the dysfunctional austerity and anti-intellectualism of Cracker Politics to Minnesota
• myVote: "Congress has been busy preventing businesses from expanding and hiring more people" – yet not a peep about your party's obstruction of an effort to increase incentives for employment
• "My focus will be to create an environment that attracts businesses that provide jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs."
• Because why utilize the time-tested beacon of Keynesian economic stimulation to aid the job market, when I can just repeat the word over and over again, right?

Tom Schrunk - Independence
• Lots of boilerplate "Government is broken" yeah-yeah-yeah, but no plans on how to fix it, other than "end excessive partisanship", because moderation is what will reverse the Citizen's United-enabled firehose of money in politics
• MyVote questions: "Mixed feelings" on 1, "Somewhat disagree" on 2.
• Feel sorry for the family when it’s his turn to select a restaurant
• Bet it takes a week

Lynne Torgerson – Independent
• I know, enough with the lectures – here you go. I hope you like your sentences (and hairstyles) choppy
• myVote: "America is the freest, safest, most properous, best country on earth. That is worth keeping and protecting."
• "Also, we need to appreciate America more."
• If you thought this was a pro-Obama reaction to the America-haters in the Tea Party, I hate to break it to you, but…
• myVote: "America needs to be educated on and protect against the 2 forms of radical Islam, which are: (1) terrorist activities, and (2) enemies moving to America and trying to infiltrate America from within."

Seriously?